just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
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