i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You ate ashes out of my bong
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
