Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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