no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
We are all done wearing pants today
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
