i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
