I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
