So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
