I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
