Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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