Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
