try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
