tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
