If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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