k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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