i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
