that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
