never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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