do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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