I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
