Don't make out with my wife yet
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
