I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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