My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
