We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
