arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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