I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
