She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
