my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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