Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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