and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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