So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
