The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Randomize
