Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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