remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
