My liver just broke up with me...
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
