Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
