38 yer olds are good kisserssss
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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