Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I want to have your abortion
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
