we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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