that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
