WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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