His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
