The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
