Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Four minutes until I can fart!
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
