So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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