can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
