I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
