I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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