new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
