Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
