I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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