she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
